The (Mis)Adventures of Pell and James
by MarcieMarmalade
Summary: I wrote a lot of slash one-shots recently, mainly of Pellinore and James. So I am publishing them here in a collection for your enjoyment. .


Pellinore was extremely annoyed.

Alaska was supposed to be a fairly empty place, and by now he should have gotten his specimen, let alone reached the lake it was located in. But he had ended up getting captured by some maniacs who had come for gold, gotten lost, and made a tribe.

It sounded like the synopsis for a bad novel.

And he was cold, too. The chill seeped through his skin, causing his bones to ache and teeth to chatter.

Oh, woe was him!

Bah, trapped with lunatics who didn't even need a moon.

If he had his revolver in hand, he would shoot them all.

He was just contemplating how he could commit a mass homicide with no weapon when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his shoulders. Lips pressed against his ear, and before he could even react, he was being serenaded.

_"Sometimes, I think you want me to touch you, but how can I when you build the Great Wall around you?"_

"You're always welcome to come and sit with me, James." Pellinore said, straining to get a glimpse of his lover's face.

"Wull if that's the case, you certainly don't show it." James mused. The other man then firmly planted himself next to Pellinore, leaning his head against his shoulder. Pellinore couldn't help but rest his cheek against it.

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how to kill these... people."

"But they took our guns. You think you could defeat them all by yourself?"

"I never said that, James."

"You certainly hinted at it."

"Call it wishful thinking?"

"Wishful thinking indeed! To do it by yourself means that you won't do it with me. What shall I do? Cheer you on?"

"Possibly. What sort of cheering do you have in mind?"

"'Pellie, Pellie, please don't die, for without you they'll tan my hide!'"

His lover looked up at him, pale blue eyes gleaming playfully.

Pellinore rolled his own eyes.

"Did you come here to keep me company, or to tease me?"

"The former, the latter is just a benefit."

Pellinore chuckled and wrapped his free arm around James' waist, pulling him closer.

"Why are you waiting?" James continued. "It seems like a waste of time."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"I don't know. Find where they're keeping the guns, shoot everyone, and flee."

"I really hope you are joking."

"I wouldn't propose something like that if I were kidding."

Pellinore pulled away. "That's slightly less suicidal than what I was thinking before, but still unlikely."

"Wull, if I was here on my own, I'd do that. It probably wouldn't work. But I'm with you, so it'll be more effective this way."

"Hmm... you're right. I would probably do it if I was here alone."

"No, you wouldn't have a chance to before I got here. See, if you were here alone I would hunt you down, kill everyone in my way, and we would escape into the night together."

Pellinore raised an eyebrow. "How valiant."

"I'm serious." James insisted.

"Oh. I see."

"What would you do if it was me here?"

"Something violent and vindictive."

"And what would be violent and vindictive for you? Hitting their leader in the testicles then sneaking away with me?"

"Actually, bludgeoning them all to death and setting the corpses on fire."

James let out a low whistle. "I underestimated you, Pellie."

"Sometimes I believe I underestimate you as well."

"You shouldn't. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for you."

Pellinore was surprised - if not touched- by that statement. "You act as if you love me."

"I do love you. Very much so."

Pellinore smiled, and observed that James wasn't very well bundled up. Alaskan weather could be nasty, and he was concerned that James wasn't protected from the frigid air.

"Why aren't you wearing your coat?"

"Because I'm not cold."

Pellinore scoffed. "I'm wearing five layers of clothing and two blankets, and I'm STILL freezing."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but you're talking to someone who has frozen nearly to death once."

Pellinore was shocked. In their nearly six years together James had never brought that up. But he didn't say anything, so James licked his lips and went on.

"It doesn't hurt as much as you'd think... actually, I felt kind of warm. Warm and safe."

"But you didn't die. Who saved you?"

"A... person." James answered, shifting uncomfortably.

Pellinore could tell he was going into sensitive subject matter, but it was also something he was curious to hear, so he prodded James along. "Who was it?"

"...A woman. Her name was Ruby. Er, is... I think she may still be up and running."

"Oh... how did she find you?"

"From what I remember, she said she saw some buzzards and shooed them away. I was underneath. I was close enough to death that they were after me..." James stopped and chewed his lip. By now he was laying back, separated compared to before, but still close. Pellinore gave his arm a comforting squeeze.

"Where did Ruby take you?"

"To a cabin. She fed me, taught me how to hunt, fixed my prized possession, gave me supplies to take a proper bath... things like that. She was lovely and kind, but rather peculiar."

"How so?"

"She was very clingy. Borderline obsessive. She always wanted to be in the room with me, and when I shooed her away, she would just wait outside the door. She rarely let me leave the cabin, and when I would, it'd have to be with her. Otherwise she'd throw a fit. The only alone time I got was when she was out hunting, or went down the mountain to get supplies once a month or so." James smiled. "But she was nothing but nice to me. She taught me how to sing, and made me clothes, and like I said, was stunning. She had hair as golden as the sun and spectacular blue eyes."

"You were in love with her, weren't you?" Pellinore asked. His was focused on the snow falling outside the tent, but still was listening to James' story intently.

"Yes and no. She had a good heart, and I did find her VERY attractive -I mean, you should have seen her, Pellie!- but she was... too odd to completely invest my heart into. Or something. I'm not sure... maybe I did love her."

"Did you two ever-"

James cut him off. "The first time she kissed me, I said 'If you do that again, I will slap you.'"

Pellinore laughed. That sounded like his James. "'And what did she say to that?"

"Nothing. She merely kissed me again. I think I should have appreciated her more though, she did save me from certain death. Plus, she could bake one hell of a loaf of bread. But I met her when I was an unappreciative teenage bastard, I wouldn't have understood compassion if it bit me on the arse."

"Some people don't change." Pellinore teased.

"Oh hush, when it comes to selfishness you're leagues ahead of me. Seriously, is having that big ego of yours a hobby or just something you can't help?"

"I was born this way, actually. What's your excuse?"

James must have thought his lover's response to be rather charming, because at that moment their lips met.

Pellinore felt as if he were melting. Every muscle in his body loosened, and the temperature rose to an almost unbearably hot level, when moments before he had been a popsicle. He laid back onto the ground and wrapped his arms around James' back. His kisses were soft, yet still somewhat hungry, and for a blissful minute, it was just the two of them.

And suddenly, they were back in his warm bed. They were kissing comfortably in an imaginary world where James was his, and his only. They lived together. They didn't only get to sleep together -sexually and generally- if they were on an expedition. They could display their affection publicly, of all the wonderful things! They were the power-couple of the Monstrumological Society, popular and looked up to. One could not be imagined without the other! Maybe they had a wedding that was overseen by von Helrung.

And best of all, James was not tied to a woman and child.

In reality, they were two grown men taking turns lying on the cold hard ground of the Alaskan wilderness.

Their relationship was not simple.

Their duties not intertwined.

They pulled apart, panting, their breath visible in the mere two inches of open air that separated their faces. Then James then was back again, planting kisses along Pellinore's jawline.

_"Perhaps this is just fine..."_ Pellinore thought.

After all, he still had James. And hopefully, that would not change for years to come.


End file.
